I still remember the day I went into labor on November 24, 2003, like it was yesterday. I remember Jason and I having to drop off our 3 year old, Alison at my in-laws but Dad was cooking a delicious breakfast, that I couldn't resist -- because you know, pregnancy apetite.
In between bites of eggs and sausage, I'd stop to breathe thru a contraction, then back to eating, because why not? :)
By the time we got to the hospital, I was ready to go. Sure I got an epidural but our baby came out so fast that the nurse even told me I got jipped! I felt everything. The anesthesiologist probably hadn't even made it to the elevator and our bunso baby, Isaiah, was born!
That's the day that completed our family. And just as fast as I told you that story is just how fast Zay grew up -- or at least that's how it felt like.
Our bunso (youngest child in the family), Isaiah, turned 21 years old, a few weeks ago and I'm in denial.
Days before his 21st birthday, I started to look through old photos. His cheeks were so round as a baby, he was just so squishy. Then came his obsession with all things Thomas the Train. Then next thing you know he's in kindergarten, then he's getting his driver's license!
I mean, of course other things happened in between, but it sure felt like it happened that fast.
And now he's a year away from graduating from college and he just got his first credit card and we're teaching how to establish good credit.
How did we get here so fast? Who put our lives on fast forward at 10x that our bunso is now 21?
Zay, as we call him, was such a funny kid and was always emotionally aware. He knew how to play mind games with me even at 3 years old.
When he'd get in trouble and we'd put him in time out to stand in the corner facing the wall, and after a few minutes, I would tell him time out was over, but yet, he would say "no, I need more time out." :) And that would stump me! Then 45 minutes would go by and he's still standing in the corner and now I'm the one trying to convince him that he could go back and play.
He was also the type of kid that a good spanking is not what would get him crying. It was hearing words like "I'm so disappointed in what you did."
When we were raising our kids, terms like "gentle parenting" or "conscious parenting" were not a thing, let alone social media.
We talked a lot as a family. Before and after any discipline, we talked and explained our why and asked them questions to see their thoughts. And we always hugged it out.
I always had the mindset of it's better that we tell them everything we can, and over explain things, rather than saying later, "woulda, coulda, shoulda."
But now he's 21 and I'm thinking, have I, have we, taught him everything he needs to know about life? Although both kids live at home to save money, there's a deep feeling inside where I'm asking myself, "have we done enough to prepare them for life, for the world?"
Here's the checklist that started going through my mind:
1. Doing laundry: yes, he's been washing his own clothes since he was 15.
2. Money: He's been working a part time job and going to school and is quite thrifty for a young man, except when it comes to running shoes -- for his love for running.
3. How to cook: not so much, except for cooking ramen. Need to work on more cooking skills. I need to work on my own cooking skills :/
4. Cleaning and being tidy: We started giving Zay the title of "Family Room Manager" at the age of 7, to say he was in charge of keeping that part of the house clean. It stuck. He probably has the most organized closet and cleanest boy room you'll ever find.
4. What to do incase of a car accident: we've gone over the basics when he first got his license but probably a good refresher would help.
5. Love and relationships: Check. We had many talks when he had his first girlfriend but this needs to be an ongoing conversation.
6. Career: An ongoing conversation in finding the right career path for him.
7. Spirituality: Check check. Sometimes, we'll find him in his room kneeling down and praying... and my heart swells. This is probably where we spent the most time on talking about as the kids were growing up. We believe that prayer and faith is the best tool that they can have to face anything in life. The idea that they are not alone. The idea that serving God rather than serving yourself has much bigger rewards in the long run for a sense of peace and fulfillment.
As you can see, our kids may be adults but parenting is never done. And there are so many things I've learned from them, especially in today's world of new jargon and new trends. These days, the kids are teaching us more than we are teaching them.
I guess I wanted to write this blog so I could reflect out loud the bittersweet emotions that every parent feels when their child/children goes into another phase of life.
And working with our BUNSO community who are all in the throngs of young parenthood, has gotten me to reflect more on my children's baby/toddler years. It's like going back in time, every time I see our community's post about their babies - I love it.
But for me, right now, I can't shake this feeling of asking myself "have I done enough? What else should I be teaching them?" I'm still trying to unpack my emotions on this -- is it a feeling of guilt of not being present enough time when they were little and perhaps the feeling that my time is running out?
Meanwhile, just a few days ago, our eldest daughter, Alison just turned 24. I was 24 when I got married...
Oh boy...I feel a new blog coming on. Stay tuned.
Thanks for reading!
Aliw
