When Jen gave birth to her new baby girl, Olivia, her 5 year old, Elijah was on the floor at the hospital, underneath the bed and refused to look at the new baby. He wouldn't even look up to his mom to see what or who she was holding.
It was obvious that Elijah was feeling all sorts of emotions for this new sibling, since he's had his parents attention all his life. And now, he would have to share? In his 5 year old mind, he's probably thinking "where did this baby come from anyway? Who gave this baby to his parents?"
While there's no one size fits all when it comes to introducing a child to a "bunso" (filipino word for youngest child) baby, here are a few tips that may help older child feel loved when a bunso baby arrives:
1. Big Sibling Special Time: Set aside time each day, even if it's just 10-15 minutes, for undivided attention with your older child. Let them choose the activity to make them feel valued. This may help avoid older sibling jealousy.
2. Praise and Acknowledge: Celebrate their achievements and contributions as a big sibling. Even small actions like helping with the baby or playing quietly can be an opportunity for praise.
3. Involve Them in Baby Care: Give your older child specific tasks that are suitable for their age, like bringing a diaper, singing to the baby, or helping to push the stroller. This will help them feel important and included and help strengthening sibling bonds.
4. "You Were Like This Too" Conversations: Tell stories about when they were a baby. Show them pictures or videos to help them feel connected to the experience of being cared for as the new baby is now.
5. Special "Big Kid" Privileges: Highlight the benefits of being older by giving them age-appropriate privileges, like staying up a bit later, choosing snacks, or having some extra playtime.
6. Create a Routine Together: Establish a routine that involves both siblings but also gives the older child their own activities and experiences, like playdates or outings with a parent. This will helpl create positive sibling interactions with your bunso baby.
7. Affection and Reassurance: Give them plenty of hugs, kisses, and verbal reassurance that they are loved just as much as before. Physical closeness helps them feel secure in their relationship with you.
8. Encourage Expression of Feelings: Let them talk about their feelings, whether they’re excited or feeling jealous. Acknowledge their emotions and offer comfort when needed.
These small gestures can help balance attention between your bunso and the older sibling, making the transition smoother for everyone. In short, just love hard...let them see it, let them feel it every chance you get. And that will surely create core memories that they can carry with them when they become parents one day.
